Photo of the day

Joke of the day

After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, "You wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The person replies, "I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?"

The man thinks for a while and replies, "Not if I have to explain it three times."

Quote of the day

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going. Rodney Dangerfield

Joke of the day

This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire. When the police arrived they shot her for waving a firearm.

Joke of the day

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees.
None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end.
After the nurse inserted the thermometer, she announced, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"
She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"
After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Well, no. I guess I haven't. Not with a carnation anyway."

Quote of the day

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. Marty Allen

Joke of the day

A farmer just got married and was going home on his wagon pulled by a team of horses. When one of the hoses stumbled, he said, "That's once."

Then it stumbled again. He said, "That's twice."

Then later it stumbled a third time. This time, he didn't say anything, just pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse dead.

His wife cried out and started to yell at him. The farmer turned to her and said, "That's once."

Joke of the day

A man went to doctor. The receptionist asked why he was there. He complained of seeing spots in front of his eyes. She asked, "Ever seen a doctor?" He replied, "No, just spots."

Photo of the day

Quote of the day

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor. Joan Rivers

Joke of the day

A manager at a General Store is teaching a young, newly hired boy how to sell people more than they really want. Suddenly, a man walks in asking for a bag of lawn seed. The manager walks up to him and says, "Of course. But you will be wanting a lawn mower, too, right?"
The man asks, "Why would I be?"

The manager replies, "Because when the lawn seed grows, you'll need something to cut the grass with."

Surprisingly, the man buys a lawn mower. Then another man walks in and asks for a box of Tampax. The manager nudges the newly hired boy. The boy walks up to the man and says, "Right away, Sir. But, of course, you will be wanting a lawn mower with that, right?"

The shocked man asks, "Why?!"

The young man then replies, "Well, your weekend's screwed, so you might as well mow the lawn."